1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:05,971
(ALF)
Your eyelids are growing heavy.
2
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,009
You are getting sleepy.
3
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,812
You are no longer a cat.
4
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,414
You are a bagel.
5
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,950
- What are you doing?
- Hey! You scared me.
6
00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:19,385
You ought to wear a bell.
7
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,620
W-what's going on here?
8
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:25,557
Um, I was, uh, I was just
teaching Lucky how to tell time.
9
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,393
Show Willie what you've learned.
10
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:28,861
You were hypnotizing him,
weren't you?
11
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:29,895
[snapping fingers]
12
00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:31,730
Okay, you caught us.
13
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,733
I'm trying to help Lucky
beat his smoking problem.
14
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,602
Alright, it looks like
it's once again time
15
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:39,338
to restate the rules
of the household.
16
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:40,773
Rule number one
17
00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:43,575
we do not eat
members of the family.
18
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,778
Willie, Willie, Willie.
19
00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:48,580
Lucky and I
were just kidding around.
20
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:49,882
[clears throat]
Uh, look, uh
21
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:51,316
I got to go pick up
Kate and the kids.
22
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:54,386
Now, while I'm gone,
I'd like you to refrain
23
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,288
from kidding Lucky.
24
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,222
No problem.
25
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,391
I'd also like you
to refrain
26
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,461
from playing with priceless
family heirlooms.
27
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,730
[chuckles]
28
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,799
It's broken.
29
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:08,400
Lucky fell on it.
30
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,837
You know, it's not always true
that they land on their feet.
31
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,339
Lucky?
32
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,276
Lucky, don't listen to him.
33
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,045
Don't listen to him.
You're not a bagel.
34
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,847
You're not a bagel!
35
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,188
But you are getting sleepy.
36
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,623
Just kidding!
37
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:32,991
[laughs]
38
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:37,863
[door closes]
39
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:43,302
[theme music]
40
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:16,335
[music continues]
41
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:53,138
[Bob Seger singing
"Old Time Rock And Roll"]
42
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:59,611
¶ Just take those old records
off the shelf ¶
43
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:03,715
¶ I sit and listen to 'em
by myself ¶
44
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,419
¶ Today's music
ain't got the same soul ¶
45
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:11,356
¶ I like that old time
rock and roll ¶
46
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:15,260
¶ Don't try to take me
to a disco ¶
47
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:19,398
¶ You'll never even get me
out on the floor ¶
48
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,101
¶ In ten minutes
I'll be late for the door ¶
49
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:26,705
¶ I like that old time
rock and roll ¶
50
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:30,909
¶ Still like that old time
rock and roll ¶
51
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:34,846
¶ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ¶
52
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:38,717
¶ I reminisce
about the days of old ¶
53
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,120
¶ With that old time
rock and roll ¶¶
54
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:45,424
[music stops]
55
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,360
[door closes]
56
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,834
Maybe we should have
called first.
57
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,202
Well, I had the music
pretty loud.
58
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,271
I probably wouldn't
have heard the phone.
59
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,212
Uh, uh, I was planning
to have the place spotless
60
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,047
by the time you got back.
61
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,983
[thuds]
62
00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:12,618
When did you expect us back?
63
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,953
In April?
64
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,656
When I left, you said
you were going to behave
65
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:21,226
but this is not behaving,
this is mass destruction.
66
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,262
I don't know what happened.
67
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:26,565
I was sitting here,
doing better than my best.
68
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:29,334
I decided I'd make myself
a little snack..
69
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,271
...the rest is a blur.
70
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,840
How can one alien
71
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,508
be so irresponsible?
72
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:40,078
I wasn't irresponsible.
I was hungry!
73
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,782
Did you eat
everything in the house?
74
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,117
No.
75
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,085
I don't think so.
76
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,024
Oh, wait a minute,
here's something.
77
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,259
Who wants a cookie?
78
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,260
I do.
79
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,030
I'll split it with you.
80
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:01,366
Brian, why don't you
go feed Lucky?
81
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,268
I hope there's some food left.
82
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,637
You didn't eat
all the cat food too, did you?
83
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:09,541
No way. I draw the line
at intestinal byproducts.
84
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,444
How can you eat so much?
85
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:15,280
I've been blessed
with multiple stomachs.
86
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,051
I don't understand
why you don't gain any weight.
87
00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:21,453
It's all in the way
you combine your foods.
88
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:23,555
- Really? That's interesting.
- Yeah.
89
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:26,458
Merv did a show on it.
I have a tape here somewhere.
90
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:28,927
I don't believe this.
91
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,429
Merv says it works.
92
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:33,498
Of course,
have you seen Merv lately?
93
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,369
Alright, forget Merv.
94
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,104
We're not talking about Merv.
95
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,906
No more Merv!
96
00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:43,108
Fine, he's off the air anyway.
97
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,579
Let's talk a little
about how much food costs.
98
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,480
Yeah, hey, Kate!
99
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:49,915
You know, you could
save a fortune
100
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,416
by clipping coupons.
101
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,752
They did a whole show
about it on Mer..
102
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,520
The fat guy's show.
103
00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,392
Coupon clipping
is not a good idea.
104
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:03,595
I shouldn't be allowed
to hold scissors.
105
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,398
Am I being overly sensitive
106
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,633
or is there tension
in this room?
107
00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:12,771
ALF, let's get
this place cleaned up.
108
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,172
I'll give you a hand.
109
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,607
Can we hold off
on that a second?
110
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,942
I feel a burp coming on.
111
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,477
Oh, goody.
112
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,179
Uh, while we're waiting..
113
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,981
...would you take off my shirt?
114
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,182
Sure.
115
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,717
It's.. No, not..
116
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:26,885
The one you're wearing.
117
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,086
Right.
118
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:29,955
I can't find Lucky.
119
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:32,557
Oh, he's around somewhere.
120
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,126
I looked all over.
121
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:35,594
I wonder where Lucky is.
122
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,828
Do you know, ALF?
123
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:37,996
Hold it.
124
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,531
[burps]
125
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,799
No.
126
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,334
I'll look around some more.
127
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:44,102
Brian, see if Lucky's
in the hamper!
128
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,972
He likes rolling around
in dirty laundry!
129
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,407
Who doesn't?
130
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,776
ALF..
131
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,244
...do you know where Lucky is?
132
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:55,614
You know Lucky,
he's a free spirit.
133
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,748
Last time I saw him
134
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,251
he was hightailing it
out of the window.
135
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,352
And what were you doing?
136
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:03,288
I was chasing him with a fork!
137
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:07,225
[laughing]
Just kidding.
138
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:10,762
On Melmac,
a cat-fork joke is a classic.
139
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,331
It's-it's right up there
with, with Seltzer bottles
140
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,467
and whoopee cushions.
141
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:17,536
No wonder vaudeville is dead.
142
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:22,107
ALF, the last time I saw Lucky
143
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:26,311
you were teaching him
to tell time.
144
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,213
- What are you getting at?
- Yeah.
145
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:31,450
What does tell time mean?
146
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:34,953
It means hypnotizing the cat
into thinking he's a bagel.
147
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,721
Oh.
148
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:40,525
Oh, you mean, you think ALF
might have, might have eaten..
149
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:41,660
ALF, you didn't!
150
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,863
Hey, hey, hey.
151
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:48,800
We're treading on some
pretty serious ground here.
152
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,969
These unjust accusations have
153
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,338
litigation written
all over them.
154
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,439
I know my rights.
155
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,408
I watch "People's Court."
156
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:59,978
ALF, did you eat Lucky or not?
157
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,513
Willie, I know the rules.
158
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:05,183
We don't eat
members of our family.
159
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:08,053
We don't eat
members of any family.
160
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,921
Well, which is it?
161
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,426
I can't find Lucky anywhere.
162
00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:18,163
Well, maybe he got sucked
into a parallel dimension.
163
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,365
I've seen that happen before.
164
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,535
I, I don't think so.
165
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:27,138
Oh, so I guess there's only
one other explanation.
166
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,808
The alien must have eaten him.
167
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,243
Well, I didn't!
168
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:33,545
Smell my breath.
There's no Lucky on it.
169
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,213
[puffs]
170
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,449
That's the only thing
that's not on it.
171
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,619
ALF wouldn't eat Lucky.
172
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:41,820
Would you?
173
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:45,490
I'm not saying anything
until I talk to my attorney.
174
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,792
Now, look, maybe we're
rushing into judgment here.
175
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,895
Uh, maybe Lucky just
176
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:51,496
went for a walk.
177
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,732
I-I-I'm sure he'll turn up.
178
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,735
[gagging]
179
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,038
It's a fur ball.
180
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,407
- Lucky?
- Don't look.
181
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,709
Hey, this isn't Lucky.
182
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,078
I was licking
some Jell-O off my arms
183
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,315
and I, and I swallowed hair.
184
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:13,618
Come on, guys,
it's me you're talking to.
185
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:14,819
ALF.
186
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:17,689
I haven't eaten a cat
since I left Melmac.
187
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,991
[Brian crying]
188
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,893
Brian.
189
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,996
Lucky was my best friend!
190
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,332
Come on, don't cry.
191
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:30,535
Hey, what's with this family?
192
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,404
Didn't you ever hear
the expression
193
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:34,673
"Innocent until proven guilty?"
194
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:39,010
Not when the accused
coughs up the victim!
195
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:42,647
Is there anyone here
who doesn't think I'm guilty?
196
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,183
Well..
197
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,484
Thanks, Lynn.
198
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,620
...maybe you ate him
by accident.
199
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,822
I see.
200
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:54,225
Well, the indictment
has been handed down.
201
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,795
Thank you all
for your support.
202
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,564
Call me when you're finished
building the gallows.
203
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,033
Oh, and here.
204
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,937
Exhibit A! Hah!
205
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:09,874
[instrumental music]
206
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:19,017
[clock ticking]
207
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,031
[thinking]
Dear family..
208
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:38,003
No. Uh-uh. Too friendly.
209
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,445
Dear lynch mob..
210
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,080
Yeah, much better.
211
00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:52,283
I've been accused of a crime
212
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,786
I did not commit.
213
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:58,523
Accused by people
I thought were my friends.
214
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,694
You say I am a murderer.
215
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:08,400
I say, the only thing
murdered today
216
00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:10,735
was justice.
217
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,438
Oh, yeah. That is good.
218
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:18,009
But like David Janssen
in "The Fugitive.."
219
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:23,348
...I will travel the country
in a desperate attempt
220
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,216
to clear my name
221
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,652
by finding the one-armed man.
222
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,990
That can't be right.
223
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,796
By finding Lucky.
224
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:42,033
I will search relentlessly..
225
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:45,770
...taking time out
only to have love affairs
226
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:48,006
with beautiful women.
227
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,411
Now I must begin my journey.
228
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,747
Goodbye.
229
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:58,516
Yours till Niagara Falls..
230
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,051
...ALF.
231
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,754
Hmm.
232
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,592
Oops.
233
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:10,929
Huh.
234
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,532
[thinking]
PS..
235
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,769
...these are teardrops.
236
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,105
Yeah.
237
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:23,108
[instrumental music]
238
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:26,111
[clock ticking]
239
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,519
[instrumental music]
240
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,791
[clattering]
241
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:44,262
Oh, great. Breakfast.
242
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,797
Thanks, mom.
243
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,101
- Lynn!
- I'm sorry.
244
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,469
I'm just so hungry.
245
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,772
- Me too.
- Me too.
246
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,040
We better eat fast
before ALF gets to it.
247
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,476
Okay, I'll have
a bowl of Sugar Shocks.
248
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,712
Sugar Shocks
aren't good for you.
249
00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:03,281
How about if I pour some
nice healthy milk on them?
250
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,850
How about if I pour some milk
on your oatmeal?
251
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:07,218
Chocolate milk?
252
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,486
It's a deal.
253
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,021
Where's ALF this morning?
254
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,457
Probably too ashamed
to come to breakfast.
255
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,092
Or too full.
256
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,494
I had a dream last night
that ALF came into my room
257
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,263
and tried to eat me.
258
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,698
Brian, ALF would never do that.
259
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,467
Of course, he wouldn't.
260
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,136
You sleep with us tonight.
261
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:30,008
[sighs]
You know, I almost
feel sorry for ALF.
262
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,276
Why?
263
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,544
I'm just trying to see things
264
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:33,912
through his eyes.
265
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,714
I'm trying to understand
why he ate Lucky.
266
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,750
I mean, ALF has
different instincts than we do.
267
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:42,253
On his planet they eat cats
the same way we eat cows.
268
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,922
We don't eat cows.
269
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,224
Where do you think
hamburgers come from?
270
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,759
The supermarket.
271
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:49,727
I have good news.
272
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:51,462
Brian, go get ALF.
273
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,597
I want you to look at something.
274
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:53,631
(Kate)
'What?'
275
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:54,766
I've analyzed the composition
276
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:56,434
of the fur ball
and I've compared it
277
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,469
to the clump of hair..
278
00:13:58,471 --> 00:13:59,838
...uh, a clump
of ALF's hair
279
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,072
that I found
in the ice cream.
280
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,041
Now, the composition
of the fur ball
281
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:06,277
is the same as the hair
in the ice cream.
282
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,612
Do you know what that means?
283
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,681
It means breakfast is over.
284
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,784
No, it means ALF is innocent.
285
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:15,486
So we were wrong?
We accused him unjustly?
286
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,789
- We should have believed him.
- Oh.
287
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:20,658
- Where's ALF?
- I don't know.
288
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,361
- But I found this note.
- What does it say?
289
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,629
Oh, hmm..
290
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,130
[indistinct mumbling]
291
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,366
Let's, uh, skip the part
about David Janssen.
292
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,269
It says...he didn't eat Lucky.
293
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,737
Poor ALF.
294
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,240
It says he's gone out
to find Lucky
295
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,041
and to prove his innocence.
296
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,910
And his manhood.
297
00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:42,013
This letter even has teardrops.
298
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,916
Grape-colored teardrops.
299
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:52,156
- He must feel so betrayed.
- Hmm.
300
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,858
I'm gonna go find him.
301
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,695
I'm going too.
302
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,732
I'm coming with you.
303
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:02,901
Me too.
304
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:05,870
ALF is all alone out there,
I'm really worried about him.
305
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,172
And he doesn't know
about crossing on the green
306
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:09,040
and not in between.
307
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,608
(Willie)
That's right.
308
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:11,943
- Where are we gonna look?
- I don't know.
309
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:14,913
- He could be anywhere.
- Yeah.
310
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,514
You know, we really
should have watched
311
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,816
more episodes
of "The Fugitive."
312
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:23,955
[instrumental music]
313
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:30,061
[inaudible]
314
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,805
[clangs]
315
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,787
[inaudible]
316
00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:00,892
[music continues]
317
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:14,706
[dramatic music]
318
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,710
[dogs whimpering]
319
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:27,652
So, uh...what are you guys
in for?
320
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,322
Okay, be that way.
321
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,158
Just tell me one thing.
322
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,661
That, uh,
that sign over there..
323
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,297
Does neutered mean
what I think it does?
324
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,199
[dogs barking]
325
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,800
I guess it does.
326
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,770
Look, uh,
anybody have a coat hanger?
327
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,373
I'll show you
how to get out of this dump.
328
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,975
- 'Here you go, boy.'
- Ixnay on the angerhay.
329
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,944
I think the screw's coming.
330
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,983
Oh, my gosh, he's got a horse.
331
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:02,453
Okay, who wants a roommate, huh?
332
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,588
Mm-mm-mm.
333
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:04,655
[gulps]
334
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,691
There's an empty one.
335
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,593
- There you go.
- Oh.
336
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,827
Whew!
337
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:13,965
[dogs barking]
338
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,401
What are you doing
without your jockey?
339
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,871
Just kidding, just kidding.
340
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,607
Gee. This whole
planet's uptight.
341
00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:25,276
Come on, guys.
Let's loosen up.
342
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:28,246
¶ On Wisconsin
On Wisconsin ¶
343
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,748
Jump in when you're ready.
Let's go. Come on.
344
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,551
¶ On Wisconsin
On Wisconsin ¶
345
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,319
¶ Plunge on through that line ¶¶
346
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:38,122
Hey, hey, hey.
Hold it down in here!
347
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,994
There you go.
348
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,831
- Lucky?
- Huh?
349
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,267
[grunting]
350
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,905
Psst, hey.
Hey, Trigger.
351
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:56,140
Shh! Act cool. Listen.
352
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,408
You seem like a sweetheart.
353
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,709
I'm gonna let you
break out of here
354
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,044
with me tonight.
355
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,280
Yeah. Here's the plan.
356
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,016
We wait until it gets dark
357
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:08,119
then me, you,
and that cat over there
358
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,888
are gonna make a run
for it. Alright?
359
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:13,424
Look, all you have to do
360
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,160
is gnaw through this wire mesh.
361
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,396
Got that?
362
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,765
Good. Ixnay, ixnay. Okay.
363
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,867
Well, there they are.
Take your pick.
364
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,903
It smells terrible in here.
365
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,205
Oh, you get used to it.
366
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,273
Some of us wouldn't want to.
367
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,775
Come on, Heidi,
pick a nice cat
368
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:31,843
and then we'll go.
369
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,945
I can't be rushed.
370
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,713
Well, what kind of cat is that?
371
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,315
Oh, I-I don't know.
372
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,916
I don't know too much
about these things.
373
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,852
- I only work here part-time.
- Mm-hmm.
374
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:42,086
I'm-I'm an actor.
375
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,721
My dad's a producer
376
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,824
and he says
all actors are idiots.
377
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,260
[laughing]
378
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:50,761
Well, he's right.
379
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,130
Alright, very nice
to meet you, sir.
380
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,399
- Yeah.
- What is that monstrosity?
381
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,269
(Keith)
Uh..
382
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,238
...that's a dog.
383
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,973
I think.
384
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:05,343
Well, gas it.
No one's gonna want it.
385
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,245
[growling]
386
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,780
May I show you something
in a tabby?
387
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,483
Now, this cat and I were
in a commercial together once.
388
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,553
His face, my voice.
Maybe you saw it.
389
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,655
"Oh, boy. Salmon Chips.
390
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,023
They are purr-fect."
391
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,725
I don't think so.
392
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,493
I don't like any of these cats.
393
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,129
I want one
that costs a lot of money.
394
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:28,332
Come on, Heidi,
I'm sure you can find something.
395
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:29,567
Oh, alright.
396
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,503
I guess that cat there
doesn't look too gross.
397
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,039
Ah, good.
Nice choice. Nice choice.
398
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:37,308
Just came in
a little while ago.
399
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:45,349
Okay...there you go.
400
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,151
- What are you gonna name him?
- What's your name?
401
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,819
- Keith.
- Not Keith.
402
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,488
- Let's go, dad.
- Thanks very much.
403
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,590
Oh, you're welcome.
Oh, listen.
404
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:55,159
Listen, I'm appearing
in a small workshop production
405
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,894
of "Extremities"
this weekend.
406
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,095
Uh, if you're
in the neighborhood
407
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,697
I'm the one
in the fireplace.
408
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,632
Looks like it's now or never.
409
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,702
[clattering]
410
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,537
Uh, hey! Hey, hey!
411
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,139
Hey! Hold it down!
412
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:09,774
I'm auditioning here.
413
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,576
[clattering]
414
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,010
Did you hear what I said?
415
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,713
Be quiet, you're scaring Damian.
416
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,148
Alright, alright, that's it!
417
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,250
[clattering continues]
418
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,485
Oh! Oh!
419
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:23,688
[upbeat music]
420
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,556
Dad, that dog took my cat!
421
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,924
Stop him!
422
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,735
[keys jingling]
423
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,103
They're here, Lucky.
424
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:41,038
I just can't wait
to see their faces
425
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,707
when they see you.
426
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,008
[door opens]
427
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:46,577
[Kate sighs]
428
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:52,250
- ALF, you're back!
- Thank goodness.
429
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,652
We've been looking
all over for you.
430
00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:57,088
Uh, before you say another word
431
00:20:57,090 --> 00:21:00,958
may I present to you
"Exhibit B?"
432
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,396
Well, I guess
this case is closed.
433
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,298
It's a cat.
434
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,534
It's not just any cat,
it's Lucky!
435
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,570
How soon they forget.
436
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:17,208
Uh, ALF, uh, I-I think
you've made a mistake.
437
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,844
- ALF.
- Lucky?
438
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,213
Yeah, it's Lucky.
439
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,585
You know,
it's a, it's a funny thing
440
00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:30,688
he was in Mrs. Ochmonek's
basement the whole time.
441
00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:33,557
Well, don't we feel foolish.
442
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,128
Now we have two cats.
443
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:39,030
No problem.
444
00:21:39,032 --> 00:21:41,265
You're getting sleepy.
445
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:44,068
- ALF!
- Just kidding!
446
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:48,572
[tapping]
447
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:51,809
There you go, Luckheimer.
448
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,210
Ooh, yeah.
449
00:21:53,212 --> 00:21:56,147
[laughs]
Who'd ever thought
we'd see the day
450
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:59,016
when they'd trust me
to feed you, huh?
451
00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:01,152
[laughs]
Yeah.
452
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:03,554
Right now,
I'm in the catbird seat
453
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:04,989
so to speak.
454
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:08,426
Right now,
I can get away with murder..
455
00:22:08,428 --> 00:22:09,960
...so to speak.
456
00:22:09,962 --> 00:22:11,796
Right now,
I could walk over
457
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,531
to that refrigerator over there
458
00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:16,734
grab a couple of slices
of whole-wheat bread
459
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:21,172
a little mayo,
and slap together a B-L-T.
460
00:22:21,174 --> 00:22:24,141
Bacon, Lucky, and Tomato.
461
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:25,376
[ALF laughing]
462
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:28,245
Yeah. Yeah.
I could do that.
463
00:22:28,247 --> 00:22:29,580
And they wouldn't even
have the nerve
464
00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,982
to point their finger
at the old ALFer.
465
00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:34,652
No, they'd probably
blame Willie
466
00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:36,487
before they'd blame me.
467
00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:38,489
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
468
00:22:38,491 --> 00:22:40,157
I could do that.
469
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:42,226
But I won't.
470
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:44,895
And why is that?
471
00:22:44,897 --> 00:22:47,431
Because they trust me.
472
00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:53,804
[clicks tongue]
473
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:55,806
But don't get too comfortable.
474
00:23:04,450 --> 00:23:08,152
¶ Just take those
old records off the shelf ¶
475
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:12,189
¶ I sit and listen to 'em
by myself ¶
476
00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:15,726
¶ Today's music
ain't got the same soul ¶
477
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:19,697
¶ I like that old time
rock and roll ¶
478
00:23:19,699 --> 00:23:23,501
¶ Don't try to take me
to a disco ¶
479
00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:27,671
¶ You'll never even
get me out on the floor ¶
480
00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:31,342
¶ In ten minutes
I'll be late for the door ¶
481
00:23:31,344 --> 00:23:33,477
¶ I like that old time
rock and.. ¶¶